How has it been three years already? I feel like journaling,
I feel like writing. Sharing what God has done.
I’m a walking miracle. It’s evident. I believe. I know it in
my heart and mind. He has done a wonderful thing. Let me reminisce. How did it
go again?
[This is purely based on my memory. There is no help, no
notes. It’s as clear as it was a few weeks ago. Let me try and prove it]
Upon graduation, after Iris, after discipleship, after two
short-term missions, and after two draining years of corporate life, I still
had it left it in me. I was curious, I was hungry. God had instilled an
insatiable desire for me to pursue hard after Him. So I went.
Getting to Tauranga,
I arrived at 3:00 am in the morning and had left my phone in
the taxi. On top of that, I was limping my way over because prior to arriving,
I had slashed my foot against some rocks while swimming in Hawaii in my
layover. Off to a great start! Nevertheless, I was greeted by sweet Maria with
a hug, who ended up being my outreach leader.
Greetings,
It was a Sunday afternoon, I had slept through Sunday
service and went out and were greeted by about twenty strangers mingling with
one another. Introducing themselves awkwardly and politely all around. At this
point I hadn’t even brushed my teeth. I knew I was thrown into the middle of
this without a being mentally ready. But it felt okay. I wanted an experience
and I was very open-minded.
Day One of DTS,
I remember feeling a bit nervous. Yeah I was like the only
Asian kid, but that didn’t worry me too much. Still, I had committed my life
there for 3-5 months and invested a lot of money into it.
The first, week was dedicated to sharing about our lives.
What we went through, who we are, why we are there. Etc… It was about 40 people
and it took us a whole week to go around sharing. I remember people sharing
pretty deep into their hurts and it changed the atmosphere. It allowed us to
know deeply and I felt safe sharing about me. Yeah, being the guy who cared a
lot about reputation and wanting to look good, I did the best in my own version
to share openly and honestly.
Day One of Lectures,
To my surprise, I was absolutely sold on this. I was paying
attention to every word every minute because it was fascinating to learn about
topic that was most important in my life at the time. And questions that are
most important in one’s life were being discussed right before my eyes. The
first lecturer was named Taumata Kim who was a brilliant worship leader and
teacher. I knew he was different in the way that his relationship with God was
so intimate. It was obvious, he referred to God as a father, someone who was
very real in his life and I believed that he absolutely adored God.
First week of Lectues,
I feel that timing was right. Taumata helped me fall in love
with DTS. He dove right in and expressed his love for the Lord and it permeated
into every soul in the room. It was a topic on worship, and to me, it was about
the posture of one’s heart and his love for God. I think that is the most
fundamental thing when it comes to worship, and he taught us how to worship,
how to love God and how to prostrate our hearts on the altar. He taught simply
by demonstrating how he personally worships. He challenged us to ask “Lord, what will you show me today?” He
equated God’s presence as treasure and asked us to be treasure hunters.
Everyday there is something new, something that God wants to show us. And from
then on, I dared ask God EVERY SINGLE DAY, “Lord, what will you show me today?”
Without fail, from as long as I remember and until I forgot to ask, he revealed
something EVERY SINGLE DAY. This is still very fresh in my head because it was
an ongoing miracle that lasted. So consistently I was convicted everyday to a
point where it was physically exhausting. But spiritually, I was in awe. I was
absolutely compelled by what was happening in my heart and mind. I determined
that by week 2, when Taumata concluded his lectures, that my $10,000 was
totally worth it.
Friends at the Base
First thing that I noticed… they were white. There were
people from Canada, Colorado, California, Denmark, Germany, New Zealand,
England etc. But we shared the same objective. To make lasting friendships
while in this DTS. And potentially more… for some. It was amazing how well we
got along, playing sports, games, having lots and lots of side conversations.
We were removed from our comforts and we made conscious decisions that we were
going to have to get along. I remember how it felt weird sharing
bathrooms/showers with females. Nevertheless, everyone felt like family,
helping each other, encouraging one another etc. Aside from minor dramas (I
tended to stay away from them because I was so focused on building my
relationship with God and friends), it was a glimpse of heaven, how one can
love others as one loves themselves.
First temptation
There were so many
girls. I believe the guy to girl ratio was 1:3 (~11 guys and 30 girls) at the
base. Also from the 11 guys, half of them were dating. So really, the ratio was
1:6. This prompted tempting tendencies while living at the base. My eyes were
wandering. Like an uncontrollable beast. Nothing sexual, but purely searching
for potential love interest. The first week was difficult because I was exposed
to so many females all at once, so fast. This is when I sensed that I needed to
pray because it was causing a distraction in my studies. I prayed in my
personal time with God, alone, in the chapel. Then he revealed chapter in
Timothy saying that I should treat these girls as my own sister. A writing
appeared in my head resembling 1 Timothy 1:24? The message was clear. I needed
to stop lusting over them to be my own, but as sisters in Christ. This was the
first warning that I heard from God, and I’m so glad this happened because this
could’ve prevented me from hearing the Lord!
The Chapel
I remember spending every morning there. Every chance that I
had I wanted to spend my time there. It was so peaceful and I felt the presence
of God. It was a place of rest. It was a place that was anointed. It was where
God resided in a special way. I heard many voices from the Lord in here. God
hinted on what I should be doing after DTS in this chapel. He spoke to me about
what I needed to give up. He gave me insight and wisdom and blessed me
tremendously in this place. Oh how I miss the chapel...
Soul Surgery
One of the lecturers challenged us to take time working on
allowing God to have a surgery on our souls and to go through the healing
process. I found it helpful to reach out to those whom I hated or who had hurt
me. I wrote them letters, and while it was super awkward, this was the time to
be stretched and vulnerable. It was cringe worthy thinking about it now, but I
feel like it’s good to go wherever you do not want to go if you’re following
Christ. I made it my priority to my relationship with God first. I forewent the
beach/sushi time and instead I fasted/prayed. It always pays off. My intimacy
with the Lord was growing.
Idolatry
Around this time, God revealed a bunch of my idols. Through
images of pokemon. I had realized that when I was a boy I hated to be left
alone. So I needed something. In my fear, I latched onto something to cope. It
was my obsession, it was Pokemon. As silly as this sounds, we grow up and we
substitute our Pokemon with something else. Career, security, women, other
thrills that give us a sense of purpose and meaning, even if they’re momentary,
we will take them. What this meant to me
was that I needed to lay it down on the alter and trade them for Jesus. The
fear of being left alone resulted in my obsession with toys as a child. Now
Jesus offered me to trade in the fear with something greater, something better.
Rhema Reading
God was moving so powerfully and creatively. I’ve been
asking him to reveal new things to me everyday. And without fail, everyday he
was nudging me, pursuing after me. He would give me Bible verses that are on
point, what I needed to read and know. He would give me images of things to
communicate with me, so clearly. But whenever I would read His Word, he would
highlight phrases and words that I needed to see. So I would take those words
and apply them into my life. It was so personal, so real, so powerful.
Practicing Self-control
I noticed that mature Christians have this in common and
that’s self-control - this full awareness of how to balance things and carry
themselves. This was discipleship training and I wanted to learn and practice
this. This realization stems from 1 Corinthians 10:31 (which became my favorite
verse) and the verses prior, which talks about as freed Christians, everything
is permissible, but not everything is beneficial. So based on this logic,
whether if we eat or drink or do anything, do it to glorify God. It boils down
to self-discipline and discernment. So I limited my servings to one portion, no
seconds. I limited myself to a bed time, and my relationships with friends in a
healthy level of intimacy. Having these restrictions weren’t rules or should
dos or shouldn’t dos. They were beneficial to my soul and I thank God for this
realization.
Trekking
My memories of hiking can be summed into one sentence
because there were lots of hiking within the 5 months. I felt like I was walking next to God. I felt so intimate with. I
think this is because I was so remote and there was nothing on my mind except
for surviving. And when it comes to surviving God comes first. Only he can
control whatever will happen to me. Also, hiking in beautiful places in both NZ
and Nepal reminded me of how absolutely beautiful his creation is. I was
awestruck and this gave me such a great impression of who God is along with the
teachings.
Intimacy with the Lord
At this point, I was so in love with God. It was quite the
feeling… to be in a relationship with someone that is eternal. When you’re in
love, the world looks different. The nature looks more beautiful, the trees,
the sun, the stars, and His people.
Freedom from Bondage
Maybe it was the 7th week.. was it the beginning
of December? A miracle took place. The one that I cannot forget, the one that
carries my spirit up to this day. Mandy Hudson, one of the lecturer, did not
make too much of an impression at first, TBH. But the teachings were simple,
honest, and practical. She challenged us to repent of our sin and wash our
hands. There was a wooden cross and red liquid that represented his blood. She
was a very Holy Spirit driven lady, and it was an opportunity that allowed God
to move if He chose to. And He did! I repented of my sexual sins, which
disgusted Him. And He really wanted to make that happen. I saw an image of fine
linen, extremely white and pure. It was wrapped around me as if I was dead and
coming back to life. Like Lazarus, Jesus commanded Life to spring forth
something that was lifeless. Then out of pure joy I jumped and I declared that
I would no longer sin in the manner that I’ve been doing for the past 10 years.
But the voices of the enemy came over me saying I’ve been here before. I tried
quitting, but it never worked. I was afraid. Genuinely afraid that I would end
up in the same place. But a voice came over me, an authoritative one saying,
“Get up, Take up your mat and WALK.” This gave me tremendous confidence and by
then, I knew this was something different. Up to this day, because of this
encounter, I am freed from porn and masturbation. It was a victorious moment
and I intend to live up to this encounter.
Jesus Culture
It wasn’t perfect, but we came pretty close. The way we
lived our lives for the 3-5 months together represented the biblical community
that was written. Yes we were young and we made dumb mistakes, but this is the
best I’ve seen. The way we loved one another, unadulterated, uncalculated ways
in which we served one another was ideal. I felt like we did a few things
wrong, but God was delighted with us. I came to a point where I saw these
people as family. I couldn’t judge I
couldn’t hate because they were my blood. There was no lust, no insecurity
(this took some time), no greed, but only sadness knowing that I will lose this
community. I came pretty dang close to
loving these people as I love myself.
This is the culture I felt like Jesus would be proud of. And it made me
ponder about ours at home… Oh and I
almost forgot, the dance parties were fun, but at the same time, my experience
was profound. These redeemed what dance parties are supposed to be for me
(pure, joy and excitement to dance with friends we love) No ulterior motives.
Love interest and temptation
This is both heart breaking and encouraging. Things like
working hard, building, pushing and handling, I can do. It seems like the
hardest things for me to do is to surrender. There was a girl named Zoe. Really
cute, sweet.. she had blonde hair blue eyes. At first it was innocent, really.
I looked at her like a sister trying to help her in ways that a brother would a
little sister. Somewhere down the line, maybe it was her smile or maybe it was
my nice gestures, we began to grow intimate, without admitting this to each
other. I was tempted to initiate and to fantasize ways to win her over. But if
I had to give myself a grade, I would have to give myself a C. I passed the
test, trial, whatever it was, I chose God. I felt like I stood the test. And
though it hurts me to have let her go, I have gained so much more than I lost.
I honestly feel like God would’ve fine with me, had I made moves on her. But it
would have cut in on my intimacy with God and to me that was more important
than Anything. Experiencing Him fully I
felt that His way is better, infinitely better, even though I can’t see or feel
at this instant.. Second best is good, but God’s will was what I wished to
pursue. To me, this was another victory.
Outreach Phase
Seven people with vastly different backgrounds, experiences,
and personalities, pursuing God via a simple trip to Nepal with the agenda
uncertain, looking to bless as many people as people… We headed out ill
prepared, asking Holy Spirit to guide the path. We were all inexperienced,
naïve, clueless. We were dependent on the guides there, and mostly on the one
who was actually in charge. Meeting people, building relationships with the
locals and with each other, giving God the praise… it was all so much fun.
There were a few times where God met us there powerfully. Some other times
where we were simply fighting to maintain our physical conditions. Aside from
multiple personal revelations, here are a few things that God allowed us to
experience:
·
The spiritually oppressed lady hearing voices
from Hindu Gods. God freed her from multiple sessions (2-3 days of praying).
She accepted Christ as her savior and her face looked like a completely
different person. While she was under the influence of the Hindu gods, I saw
her eyes. And from her face expressions, I knew that the voices were real.
·
Performing Jesus skit in front of 300+ people at
a local volleyball tournament.
·
Hiking in the foothills of Himalayas, Trekking
next to Jesus. It was the most breath taking sceneries and I completely felt
surrounded by the Holy Spirit the whole time. It was the most exciting
experience I had ever felt in the nature.
We faced unexpected commute hardships, evangelism episodes,
friendships, and lots of diarrhea. All in all, how can I ever thank God enough?
Really?
Friends for Life
Coming back from Outreach felt sweet. Seeing all our friends
that we dearly missed. It felt like a scene from the Lord of the Rings when all
the friends reunite. A week for re-entry felt way too short. I was in pain
because of the goodbyes that were forced upon us. But from this not only did I
gain relationship with the Lord, that nothing can replace, but also long lasting
and valuable friendships. Jesus taught me so much through this community, and
for that, a part of my heart will always be with YWAM family.
Conclusion
I guess I can say that the most valuable thing that DTS gave
me, out of so many things, was that it allowed
me to fall in love God in a way that I have never experienced in my 25
years of life. I see it this way, Discipleship Training School is supposed to
be training for… something. That something I believe is how I will carry myself
at home, wherever home is for me. Yes I don’t agree 100% with everything with
how things were done there, and yes it was a bubble. There, I felt like I was
in a pond being taught how to swim in God’s grace. Small sessions to ready me
for the waves of the world that I would face back at home. So was I tossed in
the waves when I got back? Was DTS worth it? (many ask). To me, it was worth
it. A thousand times over I would make the decision to risk everything for the
relationship with the Lord that I was able to achieve by His amazing goodness.
I feel like the luckiest person on earth, that God paved the way for me even
before I made the decision to go. And how he will reveal more of himself, which
he had already prepared for me. “What will you show me today God?” I look
forward to asking this question in the days and years to come.
